Over many years I have struggled with how to deal with racism when it rears its ugly head in conversations with friends, family or colleagues. This struggle has become ever deeper as I have worked on owning my “recovering racist” status and as I have made great Black and Indian friends. In the past 8 years it has become pressing as I raise a black daughter and as I experience the joy of my Dad being happily engaged to a black woman.
When I am in social or business situations and someone uses a racist word or weaves a racist attitude or sentiment into the conversation, I find it very difficult to take a stand in the moment. I find myself seething but saying nothing whilst trying to change the conversation. This is cowardly and self-serving. If I am going to take a stand against racism and discrimination from behind my keyboard or from a podium, I must be brave enough to do it in the real world where my work and social relationships may suffer as a result. Because values that aren’t worth suffering for have little value at all. They are just words.
After a recent racist incident (our Lolly was fortunately not in earshot), Cathy and I decided that as a family, we will protest against racism and discrimination by speaking out against it in the moment. This however will only be done in situations that are conducive to dialogue. In situations that aren’t, we will simply remove ourselves. This will be done politely but firmly and immediately.
This is not simply about overt racist words like the k-word and others. It’s about expressions like darkies, monkeys, cockroaches, coolies, non-swimmers etc. It’s about references to “they and them” and the veiled or overt questioning of black people’s abilities. It’s about references or words that dehumanise or strip others of dignity, enforce one groups superiority over another or labels other’s differences in a way that is not loving and celebratory.
And it extends beyond racism to all discrimination; derogatory names/references for women, LGBTQIA people, people with disabilities, people of other nationalities and religions and – from any person of any colour – any defence of apartheid or colonialism.
I understand we will be criticised for this stance in all kinds of hateful ways. But we really don’t care.
We just felt it was right to put it out there.
I support you 100% in this. For a long time, I struggled with my response to the situations you describe until I realised that I had to stand up for what I believe in. It might make some people uncomfortable in the moment but that’s their problem not mine. Hopefully, it will make them stop & think about their actions.
I also think its important to recognise the more subtle forms of racism, e.g. jokes & facebook comments.
I absolutely agree Eileen…Let’s be consistent in our opposition to racism..
I am also 100% in support of any campaign to reject racism point blank even if I have to walk naked in the streets to raise attention against this and voice my utter rejection of any extremism that polarises the nation . South Africa is one nation irrespective of colour or creed . Love is our inheritance to share and build this great nation … and I dearly love my brother whether he is black , white or indian . We are all human beings . God helps us to realize that every moment of our existence !!!
100%!!!
I think it is important to note (in agreement) that racism goes beyond name calling (non-swimmers is a new one for me) but assumptions and stereotypes are part and parcel of this. Many educated people are smart enough to recognise that the use of such terms of company is not useful especially amongst strangers. However many an assumption maybe uttered without thought of consequences and often uttered by someone who is being kind or intended to be kind. Often individuals who utter racial epithets in public are not the individuals to focus on. Anyone who calls other people’s names in strange company is a lost cause and cannot be debated but the one that politely and sometimes sympathetically expresses a stereotype maybe taught that their assumptions are rooted in racist assumptions which are not necessarily true. Unfortunately these are often harder to spot even for a well
Meaning white person because they themselves may see nothing wrong with such a stereotype.
Agreed. This is why I say first port of call is dialogue….but there are still many people who use hateful racist language that I believe we should go longer be tolerating. Of course subtler forms of supremacy, privilege etc can and should be challenged with dialogue as they are usually unseen by us as the speakers…
I’m a liitle tired of the widespread assumption that racism comes from white people.
As a white person I can only really comment about white racism….my own and others
Can you elaborate? Have you ever been a victim of racism? If so, what was the effect?
Brilliant! So pleased to see this. As white people we forget how racists comments also damage and destroy our ability to enjoy the culture and worth of others. Why limit ourselves? Challenging racism is good for all of us!
Yes! We must challenge it wherever we see it . In ourselves and others…
I truly agree that if we are against racism we need to speak out against it even in those uncomfortable situations with friends, and family. As a Christ follower it is sad to see racism so evident amongst Christians and as an Indian racism is true amongst us too. But slowly slowly walls are breaking down and the more steadfast we are in breaking them especially socially we will make a difference.
I agree that it requires a steadfast and disciplined approach. Walls are coming down…
Thank you Justin for as always raising the courageous debate. For me it is hardest to know how to address the unwitting and “unintentional” racism that so often makes itself heard in situations where family and friends are talking – the endless discussions on domestic workers, the reference to “helping”, the subtleties of distinction of what can be expected from people, the comments about “Isn’t it wonderful to see so many black children on the rugby team”…. and the true confusion among those who are speaking when it is pointed out that this is deeply derogatory because there really isn’t insight into the fact that their speech is inherently steeped in an attitude of race distinction.
Lots and lots and lots of conversations still needed about this. By all of us…
Shew Robyn yes…the real devil lies in the areas you are talking about. And I am so aware that the work begins with me always. Guilty as charged! Thank you for engaging with me on this. X
Great article. It is time. I truly look forward to the day when there is an end to race distinction in South Africa. But in the mean time it has to start with us, as you say, and if we get an opportunity, to engage with others in respectful ways. But mostly, we need to set the example.
I also feel that racism directed towards me as a white person, really doesn’t have the same devastating effect as it does for a person of colour. I haven’t experienced a lifetime of suffering and discrimination because of my skin colour.
Such a profound point….I hope you make it often Linda…Thank you. Ps. Would you mind if i quote you on it?
I hear you and will be doing exactly the same.. And I too don’t care what people think anymore!
Thank you for your bravery Michelle! Please know that you have allies doing the same