by Justin Foxton | Sep 28, 2015 | Democracy
Recently there was a story of a small goat who thought he was a chicken. This got me thinking about my own identify and caused me to reflect on the fact that whilst I am a white South African, I would currently rather not be.
So I asked a black colleague and friend of mine about what the white equivalent of a “coconut” is. Of course a coconut is a somewhat derogatory term for someone who is “black on the outside and white on the inside.” But what is someone who is white on the outside, black on the inside, or would at least like to be? She looked confused and then pronounced me a Top Deck!
It is hard to explain this identify crisis of mine other than to say that I am tired of being white. Now, please don’t get me wrong; I do not dislike mine or anyone else’s whiteness, nor do I feel guilty for being white. This also has nothing to do with the colour of my skin per se although living in Africa certainly has its challenges for us melanin-deficient folk. I am just tired of what it means to be South African and to be white.
In truth this identify crisis has been brewing inside me for some time now and to write it down and air it for all to read is quite hard; vulnerable. What kind of person publically disses their own colour/culture? Aren’t we all meant to defend our racial and cultural identity? But I ask that you would walk this road with me, because perhaps if we go there together we may find that we are all battling – to some degree or another – with our racial identity.
I am tired of the way I view the world as a white person. The more time I spend with people of different colours and cultures the more one-dimensional, overly-simplistic and irrationally self-righteous I realise my worldview can be. To add to this – or perhaps to protect myself from these hard realisations – I have created a life for me and my family that ensures that our access to other cultures is limited at best.
I am tired of the fact that I say how much I love this country but I have spent so little time actively exploring and participating in the rich and diverse heritage of our people. Opting for the comfort and safety of what is known and familiar I basically live on a cultural island. And yet when I do venture into the unknown and actually spend time interacting outside of my norms, I am humbled – to be honest, broken – by how petty, parochial and self-absorbed I am. My decidedly Western, dualistic view of the world and my neat, judgement-laden boxes labelled things like “religion”, “meditation”, “time”, “marriage”, “ancestors” etc. are squashed in an instant when I let go and spend some time being with those different to me. And I discover how much I have to learn. This is uncomfortable as I have always viewed myself as ‘the teacher’.
I am tired of belonging to a group that feels constantly hard done by. Why can we not see that we deserve to be last because we were first for so long (we still are if we are to be honest)?
I am tired of how little we value and respect age.
I am tired of participating in conversations about how apartheid didn’t benefit “us” because we were kids or not even born during those dark years. This view reinforces the “us vs them” mind-set that is slowly killing our country. If we aren’t even at the point where we can own our stuff, then we are the ones scuppering the healing process. The truth is that if you are white and have spent any length of time on South African soil (more than, say, 24 hours); whether you are 100 years old or have just been born – you benefit/have benefited from apartheid.
And at the risk of picking at a newly formed scab, I am tired of having to justify why I feel that the lack of transformation in sport 21 years into democracy is so unacceptable. I am tired of engaging in conversations in which we pontificate about how we should be selecting players based on merit not skin colour. Why can we not see that if real transformation doesn’t happen and urgently, Japan will not be the only second tier team that beats us? There are around 47 million non-white South Africans. We will win bigger, better and more often when we have this massive pool to choose from.
My deepest hope is that we will urgently move to a point where we can have open, generous, non-judgemental conversations about race and racial identity. This must not be left up to politicians – they will likely damage our fragile bridges. The responsibility is ours – the citizens of this country.
Justin Foxton is founder of The Peace Agency.
This column is dedicated to the memory of 17 year old Anene Booysens: gang raped, mutilated and murdered, and our Mozambican brother Emmanuel Josias Sithole: beaten and stabbed to death.
by Justin Foxton | Dec 20, 2014 | Democracy
The recent spate of cases involving racist attacks is cause for deep concern. Last week Cape Town resident Andre van Deventer was found guilty of common assault and crimen injuria for spitting in the face of domestic worker Gloria Kente and calling her a k…r. In October five young men allegedly attacked and racially abused Cape Flats resident Delia Adonis. One of the youngsters is a student at the University of Cape Town. And in a separate incident another UCT student – former Boss model Djavane Arrigone – is also charged with assault and crimen injuria for allegedly urinating on taxi driver Michelle Puis Nomgcana from the balcony of Tiger Tiger nightclub in Claremont. Apparently he saw nothing wrong with his actions telling the driver; “I am rich, you are poor. I am white, you are black.”
It is particularly concerning that two of these cases involve white youngsters who were born after the end of apartheid.
I often hear it said that we live in a new era of diversity and equality. People base this pronouncement on the fact that our youngsters are ‘colour blind’ and happily befriend, hug and kiss children of all races and religions. If this is the case – and our soon-to-be four year old gives me no reason to contest this view – then we urgently need to reflect on what us adults are doing to turn our children from innocents who gladly kiss people different to them into young adults who piss on them?
Now let me be clear from the outset that I – as much as anyone – need to constantly examine my attitudes towards people different to myself. This is not about guilt or shame. This is about all of us having the courage to ask ourselves the difficult questions and challenge our perceptions and prejudices. But that said I also do not believe that we should make assumptions that let us off the hook. It is too convenient to wallpaper over these horrendous acts by labelling them “exceptions to the rule”. Make no mistake; racism – overt and subtle – is going on every day in South Africa. We all have race demons to face.
We should also not make the mistake of assuming that these kid’s adult role models would dress up in white cloaks and pointy hats and set fire to crosses. It is more likely that they look quite ordinary – just like you and me. So what is going wrong?
You see most whites don’t use the k word (this highly offensive racial slur originally had the connotation of ‘one without religion’, primitive, uncivilized or heathen) out loud anymore – but in our hearts and in the way we treat black people we scream “primitive” at them at the tops of our voices. It is in the way we roll our eyes when they speak of their ancestors; the way we take them off to our GP when traditional medicine is being used or even discussed. Our children see this and they learn to view black people as backward and inferior.
It is in the seemingly innocuous things we say; “was she black or white?” we ask when someone recounts the story of a fatality on the highway. What does this question tell our children? Does it not suggest that lives have different values?
“Are they Indian?” we might ask when discussing the neighbour erecting the large new home next door to us; “you know what they’re like,” we add with a disdainful squint of the eyes.
And incidentally I am not for a moment suggesting that racism is just a white thing. People from all walks of life are – consciously and often unconsciously – derisive, condescending and patronising.
And young minds absorb it all. So we should not be surprised when – a few years and a good few Tiger Tiger cocktails later – junior decides to relieve himself on a black persons head.
In Andre van Deventer’s case he used a variation on an old chestnut to defend himself against claims of racism telling the media that he had once had a relationship with a coloured woman and they had had kids together. Now I can tell you from personal experience that having children of a different race does not mean you are not a racist. As an adoptive parent of a black child I can tell you that I have to challenge my attitudes on race as much as the next guy. It also does not matter if you have friends or business partners of a different colour.
Our challenge is to “go there”; admit – in the words of a friend of mine – that we are all “recovering racists”; challenge our stereotypes on a daily basis; spend quality time with people different to us; have tough conversations with them; visit their homes; meet their families; eat together.
If we don’t then we are simply deluding ourselves that we are free of prejudice and the born frees under our care will grow up with exactly the same baggage as we have.
This column is dedicated to the memory of 17 year old Anene Booysens: gang raped, mutilated and murdered.
